The Struggle With The Future

It’s been a long road in this military life and retirement is just around the next bend. You can see it and feel it and taste it and all it’s stability. It looks so enticing that you are empowered to keep moving forward and start envisioning your plan for the future. Then it happens….. The other person (the one in the military) says they are staying or even worse, told they have to stay and it all comes crumbling down.

So long Stability I’ll see you at the next race! Sigh…

Yea, that’s about how I feel right now. During the summer of 2013 I started preparing mentally for the end. It’s a hard thing to grasp when the military ways have been the only way of life you have known for the last 18 years. Leaving and retiring can be a scary thing because when it comes right down to it in all our instability there is major stability. The kind you don’t really think about often because the unstable stuff is always in your face like moving.

So, on those many lonely days while my husband was gone I got over my fear of not having our stable military life. In fact, I had completely embraced it. I was ready!!! I was ready to stop moving our kids, to find a job for myself and own a home and be really stable (i.e. not moving anymore). I was so sure of my feelings I started thinking of how I would tell my husband how I felt and then it happened, promotion.

It was so exciting and I knew it was the absolutely the right path for us. But, I’m struggling to accept that we could be at this for another 15 years. FIFTEEN!!! When I broke down the math and realized that our children wouldn’t just be older but on their own after college I got sad. Really sad…. I think I embraced the leaving too much. I just feel so done with it all. So instead of embracing leaving, I now have to embrace staying.

My husband is right in that the longer he stays in the better his retirement will be which will only help us in the long run. But, it’s hard to accept that right now. Hawaii is wonderful. I have a running club I love and great friends and I feel like I’m living a dream come true. Then I see all that I am missing being here and being so far away from all “the action” that I feel trapped. I want the stability and the ability to find my footing professionally.

It’s a delicate balance right now. The what’s right for me and what’s right for the whole family. I wish I had a tip or answer to overcome this personal struggle because I’m pretty sure there are readers in the same boat. It’s tough and maybe there isn’t a good answer but to keep doing it and get over the wall because someday the finish line will be in our sights again.

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3 Responses to The Struggle With The Future

  1. Toni says:

    I had no idea! We discuss this same issue daily. I feel so institutionalized and comfortable. The unknown so, well, unknown, but exciting too. We’re facing our sunset as well and also know Hubby is up for promotion next year…not sure how I would feel knowing we’d stay in. I’m ready to grow some roots! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Molly says:

    Right there with you. February brought Todd to 18 years, and we feel like if we can just “survive” these next 12 months we’ll be home free, and he won’t be scheduled to go out to sea much during his last year. At the same time, the possibility of promotion is there, and as much as I want him to retire as successful as possible, the thought of even just one extra day sometimes makes me nauseous. Running=sanity saver:)

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