Dear Husband, We had an agreement….

Dear Husband,

In 2002 we made an agreement that once married I would forever clean the bathrooms and you would mow the lawn.  Well, 11 years later I’m cleaning the bathrooms as per our agreement but I’m also mowing the lawn.  I’m angry at you for not upholding your end of the agreement. Now, I know it isn’t entirely your fault; the sea is calling.

But, I need you! Our boys need you!  I don’t want to take on both roles, mom AND dad.  Playing XBox, skateboarding, history shows and living room wrestling are your things not mine.  How am I going to do these things?  Please don’t leave them to me, too.  The lawn is enough.

Wasn’t sequestration suppose to cancel this deployment? Right? I guess I lived in denial but then don’t all spouses who wait for that day their best friend turns and walks away for how ever many months to miss birthdays, anniversaries, milestones and holidays?  All those other deployments were canceled.  Why not yours? It’s not fair!

This is a scary time for me.  I’m scared I can’t wear both hats as mom and dad.  I’m scared I won’t be strong enough for my fellow spouses who are going through this for the first time.  I’m scared our marriage (one we’ve worked hard to heal) will suffer.  I’m scared!

Living without the love of your live isn’t normal!  It isn’t normal to have children cry for their absent parent.  It isn’t normal for a married couple to sleep in different locations far from each other’s embrace. It isn’t normal to watch caps fly into the air after graduation and not share the moment with the person who help make it possible for the child to even be alive to have that moment.  IT’S NOT NORMAL!

But, I get it.  I don’t like it but I get it.  You have a calling in life and it is to serve our country.  To bring comfort and peace to small children who live in poverty.  To put smiles on people’s faces who everyday face the world’s worst situations.  To be a face of our great country to those who may doubt us.  I get it…

So, I’ll let the anger go for now because in the end I know you are happy and if you are happy then so am I.  I’ll give you a pass on the lawn because it will be here for you to do when you come home.

Be safe and try not to have too much fun.  We’ll be here waiting when you come home.

With all my love,  Wife

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3 Responses to Dear Husband, We had an agreement….

  1. sbtracy17 says:

    such familiar emotions, particularly the lack of “normal” of it all.

  2. 🙂 and 😦

    I know just how you feel…I’m going through it too, only no other spouses will depend on me to get them through. Almost no one on our boat knows me (by my own choice…been burned too many times, it’s safer for me to stay away) and the ones that do know I am a firm believer in tough love. I listen, I hug, I try to comfort, but at the end of the day, I tell them to now put on the big girl panties… just like my mom does for me.

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